Mom Shaming.. Just Don’t Do It.

Mom shaming. Have you heard of it? Chances are if you are a mom you’ve definitely heard of it. In a super connected world with social media and such, mom shaming has become a major issue. Pretty much everyone has fallen victim to or been the holier than thou mother who feels her way is better than anyone else’s. But why do moms feel the need to shame other moms? We are all trying our very best at the same job!

I was online the other day and I read a viral blog on Facebook about using the cry it out method. The moms in the comment thread were basically in a verbal blood bath with each other! One mom would say that the cry it out method was basically abuse. Another mom would comment and educate about how parents who use the cry it out method don’t actually lock their children in a room to scream all night. The original commenter would comment back and so the war began.

I’ve seen moms shame other moms because a mom would post a picture of her child eating a cheeseburger and fries. I’ve seen mom shaming about baby food. There’s mom shaming geared towards when and where a child goes to the dr. Moms shame other moms for even how they gave birth to their child! It’s ridiculous!

Now, let me share a few scenarios in which most of us (sadly myself included) have even mentally shamed a mom for what we saw, not what we knew. Scenario #1: You go to the grocery store to pick up a few things and after about five minutes or so you hear a child screaming. You happen to walk to the same isle that the screaming is coming from and you immediately side eye the child’s mom. All the while you’re thinking “just leave already.” That mom you just mentally shamed? She hasn’t been able to get groceries for weeks because any and every time she goes anywhere her child screams and she knows that it’s not ok. She has begged, pleaded, and even bribed the child so that she can get the necessities for the next few weeks.

Scenario #2: You’re scrolling through Facebook and see a picture a mom has posted of her kids eating McDonald’s. You’re thinking “Wow. McDonald’s for dinner? Not a balanced meal in the slightest.” That mom has been running errands all day. Her children have screamed themselves silly. She still had to come home to a messy house and make sure that it was clean. She didn’t have the time, patience, or energy to make dinner that night.

Scenario #3: You’ve drooped your child off at school and saw them to the door. Right as you go to pull out another mom pulls up and rushes to get her child out of the car. This mom is wearing sweat pants. Her hair is half in a bun, half not. She has bags under her eyes and has mismatched flip flops on. She rushes her kid to the door right as the bell rings. You’re sitting there thinking “Geeze Susan, get up earlier and actually get ready and be a mom instead of always making your kids late.” Well Susan was up all night with a screaming newborn. She has had maybe 3 hours of sleep. While getting ready, her baby woke up and demanded to be held the whole time. Her other child refused the breakfast she made and then proceeded to make a scene about getting his clothes on and teeth brushed for an hour.

Do you see where I’m going with this? It’s so easy to shame other moms without placing yourself in their shoes that day. As mothers, we will never be perfect! Heck, there’s no manual for parenthood! We already mentally beat ourselves up for not being the absolute perfect mother and yet we shame moms for doing their best.

I know I have been on both ends of the spectrum. I have been shamed. I have also shamed. It makes me sad that I have to admit that. Being the victim of a mom shamer tears you down and makes you feel even worse than you already do.

We are all moms. We all have our own beautiful birthing stories. We are all doing our best every single day to make sure that it children are happy, healthy, clean, and fed. We are all breaking ourselves every single day. We aren’t perfect, but we do our very best! So the next time you see something to mom shame about, place yourself in her shoes! Let’s all stick together and spread happiness and love! If it’s a situation like car seats just kindly educate! Let’s strive everyday to make sure that we lift each other up not tear each other down!